when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
