I can text with my tongue
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
