Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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