hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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