Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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