Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
