first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
