I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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