Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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