I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
