what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
