He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You dont lie about slip and slides
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
