Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
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All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate