Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december