He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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