I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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