I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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