I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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