i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you had me at cake vodka
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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