I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
