We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
