Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
