how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
