got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
