I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
