his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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