There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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