Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
