How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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