Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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