I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
