I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
