who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
