Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
