Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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