my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
