On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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