I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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