i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Mom said you looked used
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
