Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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