Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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