just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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