You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
