cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
