Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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