I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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