i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
