I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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