We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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