ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
