life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
