woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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