You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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