My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We are two peas in an std pod
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
