Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
