At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
