he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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