im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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