I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
did i walk over a car last night?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
