Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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