Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
this hospital has no fireball
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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