my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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