The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
