My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
