dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
