I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
