I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Randomize
