Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So vagazzling was a success
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
