I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
