yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
