I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
