Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
