I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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