If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
