i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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