What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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