i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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