She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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