Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
nutella sex= disaster
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
